Cracking UPSC Prelims in 5 days! (Satire)

A step by step guide.

Prelims has a success rate of 2%. It’s on a similar scale as the Covid19 fatality rate, and didn’t we all taking that lightly, so why not take prelims lightly as well.

Every year 10 lakh people apply for Prelims, 5 lakh people appear for it (meaning 50% chicken out even before the exam) and only about 10,000 make it through to Mains. For the unlucky majority, this stage of the exam can be a nerve wracking experience that gives them cold sweats and nightmares in the months leading up to it.

Trust me, I’ve been there, I’ve seen those nightmares about endless tests and an ever shifting target and it’s not fun.

But worry not, help is here.

Here’s a step by step breakdown of how this might be done:

  1. Start praying to God (whichever one you hold closest to your heart)
  2. Keep praying to God for the 5 days that you have.
  3. Give the paper with a firm belief that God will guide your hand as you mark the MCQs.
  4. Use your common sense to mark as many questions as you can.
  5. Mark A for the rest of them (attempt all questions).

PROS of this:

You might get lucky.

By simply marking all answers as A (or B/C/D, any one of them I won’t be preachy), probability states that you should average out to a net score of 0.

But with God guiding your hand, the rules of Probability no longer apply. This is obviously the outcome you should be praying for in those 5 days that you have chosen to spend for this exams. Because other than this, I don’t really know how you can cover all that syllabus in the given time.

CONS of this:

You might clear prelims.

Modern day miracles do happen every now and then. But then things like this can’t save you from Mains as UPSC does ensure that people aren’t selected simply by luck alone.

Again, like with everything else in life, this will only give you a CHANCE at success which we’re trying to increase by asking for a few favours from God, because if God isn’t helping you in this, I sure can’t.

Also, if God does favour you in this, be sure to remember exactly what you did and exactly how you prayed because I might want you to intercede with the Being Up There for a few things as well. I hope you won’t mind.

P.S. This post might contain satire.

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